recognising myself
There are times in my life when I am brought up short, and stop to reflect. I can plot these moments right back to early childhood years. In those moments there is a recognisable person - myself- looking at the world. In between the moments, the business of life carries me on and I feel as if I'm walking through my life with a busy, friendly stranger. I have often wondered whether other people have the same experience.
posted by joanna howard at
8:50 pm
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Dzakyem, at 10:22 am
I love this kind of personal reflections, Joanna. When an individual "philosophises" about life that way, the people around that person are so surprised. They can barely admit the cheek we have to take seriously such intimate intuitions about life.
If I understand you well, you mean that you sometimes stop the "business of life" from bullying your real self. Normally, in everyday life you play roles or simply live busily and worriedly ("Shall I make it? So many things to do!...")
Conscience and peace are difficult to achieve indeed. And like you, I tend to think that as children we used to be more healthily conscious of our real lives, that is unashamedly conscious of our true personal interests and needs.
Do we really have to cope with everything and stop feeling as soon as we have to earn our living? Do we have to justify the love we get (money is also "love", symbolically, and perceived as such psychologically)?
Finding out when we decide to invest our idealism, not because we feel we have to, but because we feel we wish to. And finding when we just want to play by the rules by just fulfilling the minimum requirements we are paid for.
I think the feelings of well-being and of self-awareness are at that cost: We have to manage our commitments - Draw limits to others, so that we can discover our own, personally developed role.
This sounds tough and extremely wilful. But don't we need a lot of self-discipline to live well and wisely?
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Dzakyem, at 10:30 am
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